I cried. I’m devastated – I was so ready to kick off another round. I felt silly being upset though but it meant that I pottered about the apartment and cried. I was meant to do a girls brunch, but cancelled. The girls ended up coming over after and we cried some more.
I feel guilty. Like I haven’t followed the strictly diet enough, I dropped the ball on touching receipts and got all stressed out over work and now I can’t do IVF. I feel like I’m all over the place, it’s a bit of disaster. If my FSH levels don’t come down next month, this could be it. It could be over before it’s even started. That’s my fear.
The flip side is that I know I can do more. So – this next month I’ll be on the super strict diet. I won’t touch any receipts. I’ll take all the supplements, rather than just the little ones.
Edit – I realised yesterday that all the pans I’ve been cooking with are covered in a non-stick, likely BPA coating. I’m freaking out – anything even remotely bad for me is being binned. To make up for it, I’ve bought super nice, really expensive stainless steel pans.
Please go down FSH, you’re making me paranoid and crazy.