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I’m scared to hope

By 4th August 2015April 14th, 2022No Comments

August 2015.

Well, fuck. Five of 12 eggs fertilised. Only five… I know they say it’s all up to chance, but last time we had three of three fertalise. To only have five come through this initial gate is heartbreaking. 

I’m so down, and I know Zee is too. I’m scared about how many will come through this next week. Of the five, they definitely won’t all make it. This bit is the worst, watching and waiting for our little embryos, our little beacons of hope for a family to wink out and die. 

Having 12 eggs, to finally be considered a normal responder was amazing. I felt like we’d beaten all the odds, only to arrive here, the very next day, brought back to earth with a sudden and painful bump.

Oh five little embryos, please live. Please grow in to healthy little blastocysts. Please be chromosonally normal. Please survive! 

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